


I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry

by Ellstra



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - 10 Things I Hate About You (1999) Fusion, Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Dealing, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Instability, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Physical Abuse, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drug Use, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:55:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7789243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey would like to get to know the world, maybe go out with a boy. Her dad has a different opinion and sets a strict rule - Rey can't go out unless her brother, a human disaster who gave himself the name Kylo Ren, does too. Good thing there's Hux, who is a bit of a masochist, a bit of insane and very eager to woo Kylo for just a bit of money. It isn't easy and Hux just doesn't understand why - Ren wants him, even said so, but he won't accept Hux's propositions. There's something sketchy about it and Hux had never failed at anything before, he won't begin now. It never dawned on him just how seriously fucked-up Kylo Ren is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know how this idea came to me but suddenly it was there and I had to write it. This chapter is quite Finnrey-centric but the following ones will focus more on Kylo and Hux, consider this an introductory chapter of sorts. Just a warning - Hux and Kylo are not going to turn out to be the sweethearts Kat and Patrick are in the movie. They're seriously fucked up assholes. You've been warned.  
> The title of this story is from the movie (because I had to) from when Kat reads that poem at the very end of the movie.

“Hey, you must be the newbie!” 

Finn searched for the source of the voice, guessing he was the newbie in question. He noticed a big-eyed boy smiling enthusiastically at him. 

“Oh, hi, yeah, I guess I am,” Finn shrugged.

“I’m Poe,” the stranger offered his hand to Finn, “fancy a tour around this loony bin?”

“Finn,” he smiled and took the hand to shake it, “that would be very nice of you.”

“It’s nothing, I’ll be happy to save you from eternal damnation. You from a small town?” 

“Yeah. I grew up on a farm. I’m still getting used to this madness.” 

“Thought so,” Poe nodded, “You looked lost and perplexed. Lucky thing you got me.”

Finn didn’t know how to respond to that but Poe didn’t seem to mind. He pointed to a group of boys lingering by the lockers. 

“The football team,” he said and smiled tentatively, “they’re as stereotypical as it gets - really hot and really stupid, so don’t say any words longer than five letters or they’ll think you’re mocking them and beat you up.”

“Okay,” Finn mumbled and shot another quick glance at the boys. 

“Now here we are in the middle of this godforsaken place,” Poe stopped and pointed in different directions as he spoke, looking a bit like a flight attendant performing the safety instructions before take off. “Over there’s the cafeteria. It’s good if you’re a vegetarian or a vegan or whoever else lives off salads but don’t expect real food to be any good there. Here’s the notice board. Nobody really checks it out, especially not the teachers but I guess you should read it at least once, some of the ads are truly golden. Down the hall is the gym that’s in a special building because it stinks.”

“That’s smart,” Finns pointed out for the sake of saying something.

“I guess,” Poe shrugged, “What’s your first subject, I’ll walk you there.”

“American History,” Finn studied a piece of paper he had been given, “in classroom 207”

“Okay, off we go,” Poe said cheerfully and headed for the staircase. Poe rambled incessantly about teachers whose names Finn forgot as soon as Poe said them, about the school, about how everyone was crazy about the upcoming Halloween and Finn kept nodding and smiling at the right places. They compared their timetables and found out they had their third lesson, Literature, together. 

“See you in the nerd’s club,” Poe waved at Finn as they parted in front of classroom 207 and the smiling boy set off for his own lesson. 

The History class was another shock for Finn. He had expected, for some reason, ninety minutes of semi-boring lecture given by en elderly man in grandfather shoes. What he got was a skinny ginger guy who tried desperately to appear bigger and more fearsome in a suit with shoulder pads, showing off ridiculously looking sideburns that hinted at plenty facial hair, if only the guy let it grow, interrupting the teacher with questions and corrections, raising his pale hand so much it was only down when he was speaking. Apparently it was a normal occurrence in the class; as soon as the boy raised his hand for the first time, half of the students groaned and muttered “not again” while the other half pulled out homework for other subjects, books or games. 

Finn was horrified to find the same guy in his Politics class. He was sitting like he had swallowed a particularly long ruler, books and notes stacked neatly at the side of his desk while he played with an expensive-looking pen, glaring at anyone who dared look at him. Finn sat down at the desk in the last row and tried desperately not to appear like he was staring at the ginger. The bell had already rung when a giant boy clad in black from head to toe, covered in tattoos and piercings, strolled leisurely into the class, sneering and apparently very pleased with himself. The ginger raised his head and there was disgust on his face, as if he’s never seen anything and anyone as hideous and repulsive as the boy who had just entered. Finn opened his textbook and pretended to study.

It was a relief when the class ended. The ginger interrupted the lecture just like he did in History, but this time he had a rival, and none other than the boy who posed such contrast to him it was almost ridiculous. They argued ardently, using names and quotations Finn had never heard of, while the teacher tried to bring the class’s attention back to himself. 

“Yo, Finn, I’m saving you a spot,” Poe beamed as Finn entered the room. There wasn’t enough time for Finn to decide whether Poe was just excited to make a friend or if his overly friendly behavior had driven everyone else away.

“Thanks,” Finn said and dropped his things on the desk Poe pointed to. 

“So, how were first two classes?” 

“I don’t know. There was this crazy guy in both of them and then in Politics another came and they kept arguing over things that weren’t relevant in he slightest.”

“I’m guessing one of them was Hux,” Poe said thoughtfully, “ginger, looks like he weighs fifty pounds even with all the hair product and high heels.”

“Yeah,” Finn agreed and made a mental note to check out what Poe had meant by the high heels thing, “the other one was this huge, goth-looking guy.”

“That’s Kylo Ren,” Poe said, “he thinks he’s edgy and likes to beat people up to prove it. It’s not his real name but nobody alive knows it or is willing to say it out loud.”

“They’re not coming here, are they?” Finn looked around worriedly, looking for the familiar figures in the sea of stereotypical book nerds. 

“No, they only take the classes that will help them take over the world,” Poe rolled his eyes, “Hux takes so many AP classes it’s not even funny. Has to catch up on the gap year he took.”

“Why?”

“Nobody knows. There’s rumors of course but nobody really believes he went to prison.” 

The lesson started shortly after and Finn was glad that he could finally follow the lesson without interruptions. The teacher knew what she was talking about and she was apparently as passionate about books as the girls in the front row who seemed to have a crush on her. Finn was surprised to hear the bell ring at the end. 

Poe insisted Finn sat at his table with his friends from the modellers’ club, and Finn tried hard to remember all their names but the only one he did recall later was that of a girl named Judith who had a big pimple on her upper lip. Finn supposed it wasn’t very nice to remember her by that but at least he did. He just hoped he’d recognize her without it. 

“Poe, who is that girl?” Finn slapped his new friend’s arm as the cutest, sweetest girl came into the cafeteria, chittering excitedly to a short round boy who just chimed in whenever she paused to take a deep breath. Finn watched her as she made her way to the salads and pasta and meatballs and desserts, stuffing all of it onto her tray as if there would be no tomorrow. She was wearing clothes that looked like hand-me-downs or boyfriend clothes, except they weren’t, she didn’t act like that in them. She was proud and comfortable in it.

“That’s Rey Solo,” Poe replied and chuckled, “she’s a no go, man.”

“She looks nice,” Finn protested feebly, as if his words could make a difference.

“Kylo Ren’s her brother,” another boy added before Poe could say so. 

“I’m sure she doesn’t have to ask her brother for permission to talk to people,” another boy said, “don’t give him false hope, Poe. She’s just out of our league.”

“She’s beautiful,” Finn mumbled, mesmerised.

“Yeah, that she is,” Poe said, “but you know, I don’t think it’d do any harm if you talked to her. Do you speak German? I heard she’s looking for someone who’d teach her.”

“I will.”

“You speak German?”

“I’ll learn to,” Finn promised, watching the buns on her head wiggle as she laughed whole-heartedly.

…

“You’re a total freak, you know that?” Rey screamed at her brother, impossibly loud to make him hear her over his psychedelic music, “You can’t go a day without acting like a complete psycho!”

Kylo took off his headphones at that, giving her a fake innocent smile.

“You were saying something?” 

“You backed into BB’s car,” Rey said. She didn’t let her brother’s idiotic behavior fool her or discourage her anymore. 

“I did?” Kylo shrugged, “I guess I didn’t see it. You know, since it’s so small.”

“You did it on purpose.”

“Debatable.”

“You’re going to pay for it,” Rey warned him and stomped away before Kylo could react. He put his headphones back on and went back to his writing. It didn’t take long before his father barged into the room with his best parenting™ face, as Kylo called it. An eyeroll later, Kylo was facing his father with annoyed expression.

“Rey tells me you drove into her friend’s car,” Han Solo started without a greeting.

“Maybe,” Kylo shrugged. He supposed he shrugged a lot, but he simply couldn’t be bothered by other people.

“I just hope you have enough money to pay for the repair of it.”

“Sure thing.”

“Oh really? Perhaps I should give you less allowance money if you can spend it on paying for repairs of cars you back into.”

“If it would make you feel better,” Kylo muttered, knowing fully well that BB would never ask him for a single cent.

“We’re not done here, young man,” Kylo’s father said and turned around, effectively ending the conversation. Kylo knew he was safe at least until his mother comes back from her business trip and that meant a week of peace. He put on his headphones again, for the third time in twenty minutes already, and rested his face in his hands, frustrated at being forced to deal with such a stupid family. 

When he walked down to the kitchen to get something to eat, Rey and Han were, to his displeasure, sitting at the table discussing something. Then Kylo noticed the reddish color his father’s face was getting and calmed down, sure he would not be subjected to yet another tedious, pointless attempt to bring them closer as a family. 

“You will not go to a party with a boy. You’re too young,” Han was just telling Rey and Kylo rolled his eyes. If at least they could get creative with their arguments!

“I’m going with BB, it’s not like that,” Rey protested, “it’s just a little party, it will be quiet and peaceful, no cops, no drugs, no alcohol.”

“Back when I used to go to parties, cops, drugs and alcohol were an essential part of them,” Han said, “you’re not going. I don’t care who you want to go with. If Ben doesn’t need to go to parties, why should you?”

“Because he’s a freak and nobody wants him anywhere!” Rey exclaimed, glaring at her brother furiously as if he was the source of her problems. He caught her eyes and shrugged, a slice of bread in his mouth. 

“You know what, Rey?” Han said in a voice that suggested he had come up with an idea that would earn him a Nobel prize. “You can go if Ben goes. I won’t make any more problems.”

“But that’s not fair,” Rey pointed out.

“On the contrary, I’m giving you equal opportunities.”

“Will you please go to Chuck Phillips’s party so that I can go?” Rey turned to her brother, “I’ll do anything.”

“Annoying teenagers, cheap alcohol, throwing up, unnecessarily visible displays of horniness in young people,” Kylo counted on his fingers, “no, afraid not.”

“Please, just do one thing for me, just one, I’ll wash the dishes for the whole week,” Rey begged.

“You’ll wash dishes and worship the ground I walk on,” Kylo sighed, “fine, I’ll go. But just this once.”

“Thank you!” Rey squealed in delight and jumped up to hug her brother before she could stop herself.

“If someone pukes on me there, I’ll eat you alive.”

…

“So, Finn, get this,” Poe was already waiting for Finn by the school entrance, “I have a perfect way for you to meet Rey Solo!”

“Really?” Finn’s eyes lit up. He had been catching glimpses of the girl for the last two days but never long enough to talk to her. 

“A buddy of mine is hosting a party and she’s going to be there.”

“And I’m going to be there too?” 

“Exactly!” 

…

Finn couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a wrong idea. He had not yet gotten used to people and a party was bound to be super-populated. On the other hand, Poe promised him Rey was going with her friend BB, no date. It was worth the try. He fixed his clothes and checked himself in the mirror one last time, trying on a smile to see how it fit with his outfit. 

When he arrived at the party, the house was already jumping up and down in its foundations. Finn rang the bell and was surprised when someone actually opened the door. 

“Hey! You must be the new one Poe talked about!” 

Finn nodded and stepped inside awkwardly. 

“I’m Chuck, nice to meet you,” the boy offered his hand for Finn to shake. Finn did so and smiled.

“Finn.”

It was louder and brighter and hotter and sweatier from then on. Finn was afraid neither Poe nor Rey had turned up but then he spotted them in the crowd. He decided to regroup with Poe first and ask him for advice. Poe knew his way around girls, even if it was about as useful to him as a winter coat to a dead man. 

“Hi,” Finn greeted his friend and disturbed him from a conversation with a girl Finn remembered from their Literature class, though not by name. 

“Oh hi, Finn,” Poe smiled broadly at him, “why are you here? Go talk to little miss Sunshine over there.”

“I wanted to say hi to you first,” Finn said.

“You did, and now shoo,” Poe made a little gesture with his hand, “be careful though. Ren’s moping around here somewhere.”

“Why?”

“I dunno man, he looks like a penguin in Texas in here.”

“Thanks for the heads-up,” Finn smiled and dived into the crowd again. He had not really thought this meeting through - he had thought about it, obviously, but he never figured out anything interesting to say. 

“Hi,” he greeted Rey who was standing in the corner by herself. She was wearing her goofy clothes and her buns and looked like she was dressed for school, not for a party, “do you know the name of this song?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled, “it’s LoveGame by Lady Gaga. A bit too cheesy for a party but I guess I’m not going to complain as long as it’s not my brother who chooses the music.”

“Your brother the scary guy sulking over there?” Finn pointed over his shoulder to where Kylo Ren was leaning against the wall, sipping on a red drink and glaring at everyone in his vicinity. In an overcrowded room, there was a ring of space around Ren. 

“Unfortunately,” Rey sighed, “he’s here for the promise of not doing the dishes for a week. Also I’m supposed to worship the ground he walks on for the upcoming week but i have no idea what that means.”

“What?” 

“My dad is sort of terrified I’d get pregnant like my mum did and it will ruin my life,” she rolled her eyes, “the older I get the worse he becomes. Now he said that since Ben doesn’t need to go out, neither do I. When I made a scene, he said I can go out as long as Ben goes too and he hoped that I’d either be stuck at home or in the unlikely case I do get to go somewhere, Ben will scare everyone away.”

“It doesn’t seem to be working,” Finn pointed out.

“Well it is. You’re the first person to talk to me besides my friend BB, but he just went off to snog some girl and I’ve been standing here like an idiot, almost seeing my dad’s point.” She looked at Finn and smiled. There were dimples in her cheeks, deep and adorable. “I’m Rey, by the way.”

“Finn. Should we get something to drink to toast?” 

“Yeah, just please nothing with alcohol in it.” Rey made a disgusted face at a drunk girl dancing on the table. 

“Coke’s fine with you?”

“Sure.”

“I’ll be right back,” Finn told her and went to look for some Coke, hoping she’d still be there when he comes back. 

She was, and she accepted the glass from him, holding it in front of her to clink it against his. 

“Nice to meet you, Finn.”

“Nice to meet you too,” Finn smiled and took a sip. 

“I haven’t seen you around yet, are you new?” Rey asked after a while.

“Yeah, I just moved here. It’s sort of scary.”

“All the people?”

“Yeah.”

“I get what you mean,” she nodded, “we used to move around a lot when I was little because of my mum’s work and I’ve never really got to find friends and since I was always the new kid, I got picked on and thought all people were bad. Took me some time to figure out they’re not.”

“Would you mind if we went outside?” Finn suggested, hoping to escape the loud music, mass of bodies that were only semi-conscious, and Rey’s brother. He acted like he wasn’t afraid of Kylo, but he was. The boy looked like he could kill him if he thought about it hard enough. 

“Absolutely not,” Rey agreed and they made their way through the crowd like drowning people reaching for air. They got to the door and Finn opened it, let Rey out of it and closed it behind himself. They walked through the garden for a while before they found a set of swings and sat down on them. The swings were made for children and Finn had to crouch a lot to fit onto it.

“Why did you really come here if you don’t like crowded places?” Finn asked.

“I wanted to see what parties are like,” Rey shrugged, “I’ve never been to one and it’s not like my brother could offer some insight. You?”

“I hoped to meet someone,” Finn replied. He had thought of this answer before he asked Rey the previous question. He didn’t want to blurt out _because I knew you’d be here_ in front of her. 

“I hope you’re satisfied then.”

“Absolutely,” Finn said and looked up at the sky. 

“Do you like stargazing?” Rey asked, following his sight.

“Who doesn’t? I don’t know any of the stars though.”

“Ben doesn’t. Says the stars disrupt the web of the darkness.” 

“That’s his name? Ben?” 

“Yeah. He’s hilarious with his made-up one, although sort of scary.” 

“Do you know some of the stars?” Finn asked. _I have to tell Poe about the name. He’s going to fall under the table with laugh. Ben, such an ordinary name. Not like Rey. Rey is nice, original but not weird like some of the names people give kids these days_.

“Not many, just the big ones,” she admitted and lifted her hand to point. She started listing stars and showing Finn their locations and soon enough he could tell she was a lot into astronomy. She had said she only knew the main constellations but she kept talking and talking, a lot beyond a casual person’s knowledge. The stars twinkled a little in her eyes and Finn found it difficult to pretend to watch the sky. 

“You want to be an astronomer or something?” he asked later when she babbled about stars and planets.

“Yeah,” she said and looked down, as if ashamed, “I’ve always loved sci-fi shows, I grew up on Star Trek. I’ve never wanted to be anything else, except maybe for an astronaut but I’m afraid of that.” 

“That’s amazing,” Finn exclaimed, “I’ve never met a real astronomer.”

“My parents don’t think it’s that great,” Rey sighed, “they’ve already wrote Ben off as the family disappointment and expect me to fix everything and make them twice as proud. They think astronomers have their eyes too far in the sky to be any good.”

“That’s awful. Don’t listen to them.”

“I try not to but it’s hard sometimes.”

“Tell me about it.”

“Your parents pressure you into a career you don’t want?” Rey asked it so casually, as if she didn’t know Finn for a mere hour.

“Just my mum,” Finn mumbled and Rey understood from the way he said it that it meant _I don’t have a father_ rather than _my dad supports me on this,_ “she wants me to be a soldier, for some reason.”

“And what do you want to be?” Rey asked, instead of the obvious _Why don’t you want to be a soldier?_

“A veterinarian,” Finn smiled, “or just an animal caretaker, if I can’t do that.”

“So you love animals?”

“Yeah, we’ve had a lot of them back on the farm. I miss them so much.”

Rey didn’t say anything but took Finn’s hand into her small one and squeezed it gently. She knew there was more to the story, a sad bit Finn wasn’t prepared to share yet, and she didn’t ask him to elaborate. 

“You know, there’s an animal shelter in town. I’ve always thought about going there to see if I can help but I’ve never done it,” she said after a moment, “perhaps I could show you where it is and you could volunteer there?”

“That’s a great idea,” Finn beamed at that and met her eyes to show her he meant it, “I’d love that.” 

“Me too,” Rey smiled. Their hands were still connected, hanging between them in the air. 

…

“Hey, Finn,” Rey greeted Finn and tried hard to suppress the anger in her voice by clutching the phone in her hand really hard, “remember how I told you my father wants my psycho brother to go out when I do? Turns out _Kylo Ren_ ,” she rolled her eyes at that even if Finn couldn’t see her, “does not feel like going out today. Or this week. Or this month.” 

“Oh,” Finn said as he saw his perfect dream crumble before it even began, “would it help if I came? So that your father would have my information in case I decided to do something to you.”

“No, not really. He’d just think you’re a friend covering for the real menacing boy ready to turn me into a vampire.”

“What?”

“He watched all the Twilight movies,” Rey sighed, “please don’t ask.”

“Okay,” Finn smiled at that, picturing the exasperation on her face, “so what do we do?”

“We must find a way to get Ben out of the house.”

“By force?”

“Have you seen my brother at all?” she laughed mirthlessly, “He could probably bench-press a truck.”

“I’ll call Poe, he’ll figure something out,” Finn said, “talk to you soon.”

“Okay.” She hung up without a goodbye which Finn found oddly comforting.

He found Poe’s number and dialed it up, hoping he’d answer. Poe did almost instantaneously.

“Hey, what’s up? I hope you’re calling to tell me what happened with Rey yesterday. I didn’t see you around at all.”

“It went well,” Finn said and flushed, grateful that Poe can’t see him.

“That sounds like it went really well and you’re shy to tell me,” Poe teased a whistled, “tell me, please, please, please.”

“We went outside the house and talked. She showed me some stars. Then I took her home because she came with some friend who left her to go sleep with a girl or something.”

“So it wasn’t you?” Poe laughed at the silence at the other side of the call, “Just kidding. What’s the emergency though?”

“It sort of involves Rey,” Finn admitted and felt even more blood rushing to his cheeks, “she offered to take me to an animal shelter and we were supposed to go today but her father said she can’t go out unless her brother goes too.”

“So now that I got you a girlfriend, you want me to take care of her brother as well.”

“She’s not…we’re not…yeah. I need your help.”

“This is exciting! Let’s get Kylo Ren on date! Finally a challenge worthy of my talents.”

“What sort of girl would want to date him?” Finn asked sadly.

“None, I can assure you of that,” Poe admitted, “I wasn’t talking about girls though.”

“Oh?” 

“If there’s one thing I know about Kylo Ren, it’s that he’s not kicking for your team.”

“You sure?”

“Absolutely. We gays recognize each other, you know?” Poe said quickly. Finn could almost see his excitement, “I think I should be able to make it interesting enough for him to try it, yes, but it will be pricey.”

“Pricey?”

“Hux won’t do shit for free.”

“Hux?” Finn yelped and nearly dropped his phone, “you want to set up Hux and Kylo Ren on a date?”

“Hux is the only person who would consider it.”

“You said pricey. How much is that?” Finn asked, knowing immediately he will not have enough.

“Let me get back to you.” Poe sounded confident and Finn wished he could feel the same. But even if Hux did agree to dating Rey’s brother - which still seemed odd - he would not do it for a smile and kind words which were essentially the only things Finn could offer. But Poe sounded so excited he just let him have his fun.

“Thanks,” Finn said and ended the call.

He sent a quick message to Rey, telling her he was working on it and his heart warmed up when he saw the emoji she sent him. Then Finn sat down to his desk to do some of his homework. Poe called about half an hour later.

“Hux was surprisingly easy to persuade. He did put up some fight but it was mostly symbolic so that he wouldn’t lose his face,” Poe chattered.

“How much?”

“Twenty bucks.”

“I can’t afford that,” Finn said slowly, embarrassed.

“I figured as much,” Poe replied as if he thought such petty problems below him. “I can chip in. Perhaps Rey could too?”

“I don’t want her to pay to go out with me.”

“You can still buy her ice-cream, man, it’s after all her brother.”

“I don’t know…”

“I do. Ask her.”

“It’s wrong.”

“Then stay at home and pity yourself over the Literature assignment,” Poe suggested, impatient.

“Fine, I’ll ask her,” Finn agreed and didn’t admit he had already done most of the assignment Poe mentioned.

“Good.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

Finn took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. Poe said it was okay. He had to know what was okay and what wasn’t, certainly better than Finn. 

“Hi, I have a solution,” he said without an introduction, “but it’s gonna cost some money.”

“What?” 

“You know Hux?”

“Everybody knows Hux,” Rey muttered as if the name was bitter in her mouth, “I better than most people, unfortunately. Ben won’t shut up about him.”

“Well, Poe sort of made Hux agree to take your brother on a date if we pay him twenty bucks.”

“Poe made Hux do _what_?”

“Can you chip in? I don’t have that much money.”

“Yeah, sure,” Rey said absent-mindedly, “I thought Kylo was making stuff up. I never thought Hux is - wow.”

“To be honest, I was surprised Hux is into anyone at all.”

“Well, that.”

“How much could you give? Poe said he could help a little but I guess it wouldn’t be much.”

“Money’s not the problem,” Rey waved it off, “I don’t think Hux can do it. Ben’s really determined not to leave the house, I think he’s doing some dark rituals or whatever in his room.”

“Fine. I’ll tell Poe we’ll give the money.”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Good.”

“Hey, Finn.”

“Yeah?” 

“I hope Hux knows what he’s doing.”

“Yeah, me too.”

  



	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said this was going to be darker than the movie because Kylo and Hux are not actual sweethearts like Kat and Patrick are? Well, it turned out this is going to be _super dark_ and I had to change the rating and add some more tags because it all went sideways on me and I'm too intrigued by it to change it. Sorry to everyone who expected a different story because hey, I did too.  
>  ~~I project myself too much on Hux.~~  
>  Please tell me what you think about it. I'm very excited to write this but also sort of scared.  
> Look at the end notes for chapter specific warnings if you're worried.

Hux was having a rather peculiar morning. His father inquired about his life and didn’t reprimand or scold Hux, he even appreciated the piles of books on Hux’s table. The boy kept his uninterested, perfectly calm mask on but he was giddy inside. It had been so long since his father spoke to him without pointing out what a disappointment Hux was, he forgot it was even possible. He hated himself for reacting that way; he hated his father and was despised in return, he didn’t need or expect anything from his father besides money to spend and a bed to sleep in but even that he could do without if it was vital to his survival. This feeling was a burden and he didn’t want it, it was just confusing him and making him vulnerable. And yet, he felt it. No matter how many times he told himself he wouldn’t be affected by his father, he always was. It was easier to ignore insults and the shouting, even if the noise wasn’t fun either. But praise… praise fucked up with Hux’s head and left him the mess he had been when he was five years old, a small, skinny child, too pale and sickly to evoke other feelings than pity in adults and antipathy in children. 

Hux decided to read a bit from the book about Napoleon’s exploits he had bought himself from the money he earned working in his father’s shop to calm down. He enjoyed learning about Napoleon - he was Hux’s instant answer to the question: “which famous person, dead or alive, would you like to have dinner with?” It was just a fun read; Hux couldn’t hope to use Napoleon’s technique of conquering the world in the 21st century, although riding on a mighty steed through Europe in the front of an enormous army and forcing a monarch after monarch to bow before him had a tinge of romanticism Hux dreamt of sometimes. (He was afraid of horses. Horses were the worst. Still a nice idea though.) He was just reading about one of the highlights, the battle of Austerlitz that Napoleon won so spectacularly and cleverly Hux couldn’t help but feel awe, when his phone rang. He picked it up and noticed he didn’t have the number saved and he almost ignored it, thinking they’d just offer him an insurance or ask after the electricity consumption of their household, but something stopped him.

The call that followed had to be the most peculiar one Hux had ever taken part in, and that was something considering the one where an unhealthily enthusiastic lady asked him which furniture shops he knew and made him say yes or no to each on a very long list. The kid on the other side introduced themselves as Poe and Hux took a while to decide whether it was a girl or a boy, and gave up. Then Poe started talking and the wondering was over because Hux had to concentrate all his mental powers on the topic at hand, so ridiculous and surreal he must have fallen asleep. (Fallen asleep reading about Napoleon?! Hux was really fucked up that morning.) 

“You want me to do what?” 

“We’ll pay.”

Hux thought it couldn’t get weirder after “I want you to ask Kylo Ren out.” but apparently he was wrong. This kid, whoever they were, wanted to pay him to ask the most obnoxious person under the sun out. The irritating, scary and probably insane person Hux is very publicly enemies with. Hux thought he had hidden his attraction to the boy under the hate and hostility.

“Why do you think I’d be interested?”

“Because if you weren’t, you’d have ended the call already.”

_Shit_ , Hux thought and kept himself from swearing aloud in the last second. He felt flush creeping up his neck and prayed his father wouldn’t come into his room again because he probably wouldn’t be able to explain his agitation.

“Alright, smarty-pants,” Hux muttered, “I don’t know why you called me in the first place, and I have a feeling I don’t want to know. But let’s say I’ll do it - hypothetically - because I’m really broke and could use the money. How much would you offer?”

“Five bucks.”  
“Pfft, what do you think I am? A cheap hooker from the ditch by an interstate?” Hux sneered, “Hundred.”

“If you were a hooker, you’d have experience which would earn you something. Ten.”

“You really are smart, I’ll give you that. Fifty.”

“Fifteen.”

“Thirty.”

“Twenty.”

“Deal.” Hux surprised himself when he said that.

“Deal,” the kid said, overjoyed, “we’ll get you the money at school.”

“And make me look like a drug dealer? Do you think I’m stupid?”

“Gee, no one’s gonna think you’re selling drugs.”

“No, I’m only selling myself,” Hux retorted, “much better.”

“You want your twenty bucks or not? ‘Cause I don’t need to give them to you, you know.”

“Sure you do. For some reason I can’t quite comprehend you want someone to go out with Kylo Ren, I don’t think you’re going to find that many candidates for that post if I say no.”

“Fine,” Poe sighed exasperatedly, “what do you suggest.”

“I don’t really have anything against doing it at school,” Hux shrugged, “I just wanted to know if you’re flexible in your conviction.”

“Okay?”

“You passed,” Hux said, “congratulations.”

“Oh good. Now, can you make it today?” 

“I most likely cannot. I don’t have my money and you could just be tricking me and then publicly humiliate me, somehow. As long as I got squat, our favorite depression dressed as a man can stay sulking at home.” Hux looked around his room and found it tidy. He could leave any minute if he wanted. But he also couldn’t. He wasn’t cheap like that. He wasn’t eager like that.

“You’re a bitch, you know that?” 

“Thanks, I try.”

“I forgot to say this - I thought it was obvious but just to be sure - not a word to Kylo.”

“Obviously,” Hux said sweetly, “we wouldn’t want to break his poor little heart and make him feel like the only person who’d want to date him was bribed into it.” 

“I’ll find you at school on Monday,” Poe said.

“Whatever floats your boat,” Hux shrugged and ended the call. He set the phone down, staring at the wall in front of him and trying hard to figure out what just happened. There were some rather disturbing actualities about the whole thing. Hux got a pen and found a piece of paper on which he had previously written a list of books he wanted to read. He turned it over and found only a Winston Churchill quote scribbled in a handwriting that was messy to the point it was almost illegible there. He made a resolute line below this and started to write down things that were not okay about that phonecall. 

_I. Some kid I do not know has my phone number (Mildly disturbing)_

Hux used Roman numerals often and with pride. He was pretentious like that.

_II. Same kid somehow figured out my unfortunate affliction that is attraction to Kylo Ren (Very disturbing)_

_III. Aforementioned kid wants me to ask Kylo Ren out (Very puzzling)_

_IV. I am to received payment for it (Extremely puzzling, bordering on unbelievable)_

Hux watched his list and frowned at it, sighing because it didn’t make him any wiser. The situation still seemed like something from a movie or, at best, something that could happen to someone else, never to him. He knew people stared at him in the corridors, in class, whenever they accidentally met him in the city. Nobody dared park a car in his spot, the perfect one close to the building and shaded by a tree, boys fled when he entered the restroom. People were scared of him and for the most part, Hux was glad about it. He didn’t need their meaningless, insincere friendships and he enjoyed the privacy they gave him. The power he felt from it was a very sweet bonus. He didn’t need to try hard to bully people into giving him favors or leaving him alone. He was independent and set on achieving his goals despite everything, with no distractions. 

But there were moments when he was painfully reminded that he was still entirely too human, too much a teenage boy with feelings and needs. He hoped science would come up with a way of making an artificial body for him, one that would not surprise him with tears, with blood in inappropriate places, with clenching throat whenever Kylo Ren looked him directly in the eyes and held them. As of yet, he could only grit his teeth and curl into a ball when the want to be held, to be loved was too much, and hope it would pass. It always did but it left him feeling miserable and hate himself for wasting time and energy on something he didn’t want and couldn’t afford.

_V. I didn’t know someone would think of me as a potential partner for anyone_

He scribbled down and there it was again, the clenched throat and burning eyes when he imagined the kid he still could not assign a face watching him and thinking, “This guy wants to go out with Kylo Ren.” He wondered whether he was that obvious, whether all the years when he thought he was being subtle everyone just went around, whispering when he couldn’t hear them, about how pathetic the skinny ginger was with pretending to hate Ren and secretly having wet dreams about him. (He did have those.) (And he wanted to hate Ren and in a way he did, except it was more of envy and maybe just a tinge of projection of the hate Hux bore for himself about this weakness.)

_VI. I really want to take Kylo Ren on a date (disturbing and shameful with a tinge of surprise)_

Hux knew his concentration on studying was ruined. He should have said he’d go and try to pick Ren up that day, it’s not like he’d be able to think about anything else anyway. And now he was stuck because he said he’d do it after he got his money and if he went there now, he’d be pathetic. 

He tried to leaf through his book but he wasn’t paying the attention it deserved. He tried scribbling on the piece of paper he had been writing on, but nothing better than circles of what looked like the old telephone wires came out of it, so he dropped it, frustrated and unable to do anything, disgusted with whatever he tried to do as soon as he picked it up. Great. It was one of the _Moods_ again. Hux put on a movie he liked just to see how bad it was. It was bad. He turned the movie off and stared in front of himself with a vacant expression. He tried to be angry at the kid for ruining his good mood but he couldn’t put his heart into it, not when he knew it was bound to kick in sooner or later. He had been alright for too long already. 

Hux got up and went to lie down in his sitting bag, too tired to be bothered to climb into his bed. It was moments like that when he regretted getting one that was only accessible via a ladder. He pulled a blanket off his bed and curled up in it, placing a book on his knees to pretend his was studying in case his father came to visit again. He closed his eyes and spent about an hour in the state between sleep and waking when his stepmother came into the room and demanded he helped her with lunch. Hux stood up and followed her, feeling exhausted. He wished it was the flu because at least flu was an actual illness with actual symptoms that he could tell his father about and hope to be excused from laundry duty and social interactions. The thing he felt was not specific and couldn't be measured by a thermometer or cultivated in a petri dish and Hux was fairly certain that without a proof, it was better to shut up and just chop the onion and wash the vegetables when he was told to do so.

They went through the standard protocol for the _Moods_. His stepmother asked him what was wrong with him and he replied that nothing, that he was just tired or maybe he caught a cold, and they didn’t speak of it anymore. Hux found himself zooming out above the food he was preparing and felt oddly relaxed because at least he was doing something. It wasn’t mentally challenging and he probably wasn’t even doing a good job but he had only as much capacity to care and it was all used up on attempting not to cut his fingers. 

He sat down in the kitchen and promised to watch the pots as they bubbled. His stepmother asked if he was okay again, and Hux didn’t find the ability to add a smile to his “I’m fine.” She nodded and went to the living room to help Hux’s father with his work. Hux glanced at the clock above the cooker and winced. Ten after twelve. The day was going to be quite long still.

…

Kylo snuck out of the back door when his father went to get a beer with his friends and Rey closed the door of her room obscenely to show him exactly how much she hated him. It wasn’t his fault that they never noticed he was gone, or that his sister didn’t have the courage to just sneak out at night.He had been running away unseen for years and he thought it hurt his feelings a little that no one ever noticed he was gone. But then again, he didn’t want to end up grounded or, worse, locked up in an institution for young delinquents, which was exactly where he’d end up if they caught him. Or perhaps they’d dump him in a grown-up prison already. He didn’t know how much coke you had to sell or how many people you had to kidnap and torture to get you there early. He dismissed those thoughts as soon as they came not to lose courage. 

Kylo put his hood up and stuck his hands in his pockets to look as intimidating as he could to stop people from coming too close to him. That was one of the first things he learnt - people don’t want to look at him if they think he might hurt them. They look away and speed up, hopingwon’t choose them. It’s pathetic. 

Kylo made his way to the empty warehouse at the end of the long street. Empty, abandoned warehouse, how sketchy and cliche was that? Kylo dreamed of meeting his boss in cool places, like sitting in a church, surrounding by ignorant people thinking their God could save them, of moving around and never going to the same place because it was too dangerous. But he had to do with a crumbling warehouse that smelled of mouse shit and rattled with cricket screeching. He supposed he would not be able to do much moving around while he tried to keep up the pretense of being a bored high-school student who spends whole days sitting in his room, listening to psychedelic music. 

“You’re late.”

“The baseball game took ages and father didn’t want to leave,” Kylo excused himself, knowing it would make no difference.

“I do not care for your father. I care for your punctuality.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now. There’s a package I need you to deliver.”

“Of course,” Kylo nodded. He knew better than to ask what the package contained, he’d known ever since he was fourteen.

“I must warn you. The recipient might be somewhat reluctant to pay.”

“I’ll persuade him.”

“I believe you’ve studied for your test?”

“Yes.”

“Good. That will be all.”

“Thank you, sir.” 

Kylo accepted the package and stole a glance at his mentor. Snoke could have been anything between twenty and eighty years old, pale as a vampire - paler than Hux, Kylo always thought - and looked like he could see right inside your head. Kylo tried not to shiver.

“Now, before you go,” Snoke demanded Kylo’s attention. This wasn’t good. It was never good when Snoke wanted to talk after he’d finished giving Kylo instructions. “I heard you went to a party yesterday.”

“Yes. My sister promised to wash the dishes for me if I go.” Kylo responded as calmly as he could.

“Very well,” Snoke said in voice that suggested it was everything but that, “we simply would not want you to lose focus on what’s important, would we.”

“No, sir.” 

“Good.”

Kylo wasn’t sure whether he was free to go or what to say so he just stood on the spot clutching the package in his hands.

“Did you enjoy this party?” 

“Not at all,” Kylo was pleased that at least this answer could be honest and yet appease Snoke. 

“I should think so. Someone of your talents and intelligence should not engage in such activities.”

“I will not.”

“Good.” 

Snoke watched him scrutinizingly and Kylo knew the worst question had not yet come. 

“Have you been having any of the disturbing dreams lately?”

And there it was. Kylo had no idea why he had told Snoke about them. It wasn’t like he was a therapist and could help Kylo or a psychologist who would know what Kylo’s damaged brain is trying to say. Kylo cursed himself for ever bringing up that one dream back when he didn’t understand what they meant or that they were normal and every boy got them. The other dreams were a lot scarier but for some reason Snoke didn’t care about the scary ones, or the bloody ones. He just cared about those that made Kylo hate his body for feeling this good when it shouldn’t have. Why it was bad was another question, one that Kylo was unable to answer himself and too afraid to ask.

“No. Just a few of the burning and freezing ones.” 

“Are you sure?” Snoke’s eyes were burning holes into Kylo’s head, seemingly searching for the answer Kylo was reluctant to give. 

“I had one tonight,” he admitted at last, “I’ve seen so many people…doing the things I see myself do in the dreams at the party. I couldn’t help it.”

“I told you not to lie to me,” Snoke said coldly, “I said it was fine to have those dreams as long as we talk about them.”

“I am ashamed to talk about them,” Kylo bowed his head, wishing he’d be allowed to keep his hood in front of Snoke. 

“We would not have to talk about them if you weren’t having them. I’m trying to help get rid of them by discussing their contents with you and trying to find a way for you to stop them.”

“Yes, sir.” Kylo thought that maybe if Snoke wasn’t so set on some weird ritual chastity and allowed him to jerk off, like every reasonable teenager does, he’d be able to handle his hormones a little better at night. 

“Was it the ginger boy again?”

“Yes.”

“Were you the dominating figure in your fantasy?”

Kylo’s face was burning with shame. He didn’t want to tell Snoke what he dreamed about for so many reasons, and one of them was already stirring in his pants. 

“No. I was following his instructions and submitting my body to him.”

“Was there anyone else involved?”

“No. There was just… so much blood around us. We were in a bed and the sheets were bloody.”

“Was either of you injured?” 

“No, it wasn’t our blood,” Kylo panted, “it felt like it was blood of an enemy we defeated together.”

“I see.” There was a threat in Snoke’s voice, palpable under the clinical indifference.

Kylo stood rigidly in front of Snoke, concentrating on his fear in attempt to push the fantasy out of his mind. “Was the blood increasing your pleasure.”

“Yes,” Kylo mumbled, “I painted images on his body with it. Slicked his hair with it.”

“Did he do the same to you?”

“No. He… he made me eat some of it.”

“And you enjoyed that.”

“Yes.” 

“Do you feel such inclinations outside your dreams?”

“No. I think it was just the fact that I was, uh, drinking the blood of my enemy.”

“Are you sure? Our subconscious sometimes tells us things we are too afraid or ashamed to realize ourselves.”

“Yes, I am sure,” Kylo said and it almost sounded defiant.

“Very well,” Snoke announced, “I can forgive you your dream. But you know you must be punished for the lie.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

“Three hits should do.”

Kylo winced at the image, terrified. He looked down to hide his horror from Snoke and took off his hoodie and shirt, readying himself for the pain. As he bit down on his lip, he realized in a split of a second that the blood he saw in his dream was Snoke’s. 

He cried out in pain as the first blow of a whip bit into his back, holding onto an image of ever-changing eyes for comfort. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for depression, humiliation, emotional and physical abuse.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a slightly lighter chapter this time (featuring the sweet babies and not just the angsty boys, that's why) and tell me what you thought of it.

“Hi, Hux,” a dark-haired boy, too short to be this carefree around him, came up to Hux.

“Who are you?” Hux frowned instead of a greeting. He was particularly irritated that morning, it was one of those days when even a little thing made him grind his teeth together and clutch his fists tight, hoping he won’t start crying or smash something.

“I’m Poe,” the kid said nervously, noticing Hux’s mood, “I can come later if it’s not a good time now.”

“Ah,” Hux suddenly paid attention. _So a boy_ , he thought, _mostly_. “You got my cash then?”

“Yeah,” Poe looked relieved. Hux hoped it didn’t look like he was bullying the kid. Not that anyone would really care but Hux found bullying disgusting. Older boys mistook him for a punching bag when he was a small, skittish first-grader. Those weren’t Hux’s fondest memories and he didn’t want to have his reputation tainted by something like bullying a kid whose head barely reached Hux’s chin. 

“Cool,” Hux said, accepted the money - ones and twos and one five. Who even had so much money in small bills? He counted up to twenty and nodded. “Okay, we have a deal.”

“Good.” Poe smiled, “thanks.”

“Hope whatever you’re doing this for is worth it.”

“Yeah,” Poe nodded and ran off, “thanks, Hux.”

Hux took out his wallet and put the money inside. He was feeling lousy and miserable and now he had some cash on him and seriously contemplated going to the school’s most well-known junkies and try to buy some pot. At least that would help him relax. There was a clock in the hall and Hux realized he’d never make it to the lesson on time, let alone be able to face the teacher if he got stoned. With some remorse he made his way to class, dragging his feet one at a time. 

Ren wasn’t on his usual spot beside Hux which was nothing unusual - the lesson had not started yet. Hux wondered how Ren got up to junior year with his attitude towards all school rules. Hux could break a single one and he’d get kicked out of school on spot. 

Ren came right before the bell and the class started to whistle. Ren grinned and bowed to the class for the cheers. When he straightened again, he winced as if in pain although Hux doubted anyone but him noticed. But he did; what was the matter with Ren? It couldn’t have been a sports injury - they would have heard all about it by then. No, Ren didn’t want people to know he was hurt. Which meant the story was probably interesting. 

“Hey, Ren,” Hux called at the dark-haired boy.

“Yes?” Ren looked at him with wary expression. He looked exhausted. 

“Fancy a movie after school?”

“Did you fall on your head?” Ren yelped. The whole class was staring at them, the teacher nowhere to be seen and Hux felt his ears get red. He should have probably waited for when they had some privacy. 

“No, did you? You look like you slept in a ditch,” Hux tried to save himself, pretending he never asked Ren to go out with him.

“Where and how I sleep is none of your fucking business,” Ren spat. Hux was confused. They did antagonize each other but Ren was being unnecessarily, unreasonably mean and offensive.

“Perhaps I could help you with the insomnia.”

“You?” Ren chuckled, “you’re the last one who could help me.”

“I could steal some of my mother’s Ambitropin for you,” Hux shrugged.

“That’s touching.”

“Or I could read you a story?”

“Or you could just shut up, thanks,” Ren snapped. 

The teacher came then and Hux didn’t want to risk getting him angry even if it meant Ren had effectively won the argument. Hux found himself watching the dark-haired boy more than he followed the lesson and Ren seemed to be in his own world as well. The teacher and their classmates looked relieved if a bit puzzled about the lack of snippy comments and remarks. Hux watched Ren play with the tunnel in his left ear and scribble something down. Hux was terribly curious as to what Ren was writing or drawing because it certainly had nothing to do with the lesson. 

About forty minutes into the lecture a piece of paper landed on Hux’s desk. He snatched it and opened it as discreetly as he could. Ren was glaring at him. 

_Stop staring at me._

Hux met Ren’s gaze and shrugged.

_Or what?_

He wrote in a script that was neat for a change and tossed it back to Ren. The latter opened it, read the message and frowned.

_Just stop. It’s making me uncomfortable._

Hux raised his head and paid attention to the lecture for a while, deciding what to write in reply. Then, once he contemplated it, he wrote down: _You never minded being looked at. With your attitude and your ugly body modifications._

_You_ _make me uncomfortable._

_> Why?_

_You’re staring at me like some psycho. If my piercings are so ugly, why do you keep staring at them?_

_> I’m not a psycho. That’s why I like to watch other psychos. So that I know what they look like. Well they’re not automatically uninteresting just because they’re ugly._

_You know, most people don’t stare at things they see as ugly._

_> I’m not most people. I’m attracted to the repulsive and hideous._

_Wow that’s so sweet. Are you attracted to me then?_

_> You don’t even come close to being hideous enough for me to be attracted to you._

_Haha, you’re so funny._

_> You’re close though. Have you ever smoked pot?_

_No. I’m not into drugs just because I have piercings._

_> Well I am and I don’t have piercings. It wasn’t judging you because of some stupid stereotype. I’m merely offering you some quality time. You look like you need it._

_You’re kidding right? Trying to make me agree to do drugs with you and then call the cops or something to get me kicked out of school._

_> No, I’m just offering you a chance to learn to smoke weed. It’s fun._

_You really smoke weed?_

_> From time to time. When I feel self-indulgent or someone pissed me off._

_And now you’re feeling what?_

_> Both, actually._

_And you want me to smoke it with you because…_

_> It’s a useful piece of information. Might come in handy._

_I literally can’t imagine a single situation in which I would benefit from smoking weed._

_> You’ll understand when you’ve done it._

_Thanks but no thanks. I’ve seen what drugs do to people._

_> Only if you’re an idiot. _

_I won’t risk that._

Hux didn’t reply back and Ren looked almost hurt about it. If he enjoyed Hux’s notes, he shouldn’t have been such a pain in the ass about it. Hux may have got twenty bucks to get Ren to go out with him but that didn’t mean he would make an idiot of himself.

_…_

“They were acting really weird today,” Finn said as soon he he sat down into his chair in Literature class.

“Weirder than usual? Do tell,” Poe asked and offered Finn a bit of his snack.

“They didn’t try to prove the teacher that they’re smarter than him and each other. Started sending each other notes in the middle of the class,” Finn explained and accepted Poe’s food with a nod of thanks.

“That’s good, right?”

“I don’t know. Hux asked Ren out in front of the whole class. It was embarrassing.”

“Wow,” Poe whistled, “and?”

“He asked him if he fell on his head. That was before the notes though.”

“So now we wait.”

“I guess.”

…

“Hey, Finn,” Rey sat down beside Finn during lunch. He had anticipated it - it was the reason why he sat down to an empty table - but it still surprised him. She was smiling brightly at him, her hair in her usual buns dangling down the side of her head.

“Hi,” Finn smiled.

“You’ll never guess what happened. I just ran into Ben and he didn’t even see me.”

“I think I could guess that. He doesn’t pay attention to you all that much.”

“No, I mean I was literally standing beside him and he didn’t notice.” Rey was working through her salad with fast, vicious stabbing of her fork. “He was staring at something. Then I notice he was staring at Hux.”

“So it’s going well?” Finn raised an eyebrow. He couldn’t believe it. He was willing to accept them both being into guys - what were the odds? but still - but that they would be attracted to each other? All the fighting and contempt seemed unnecessary to Finn. What was wrong with being nice and attentive to the person you liked?

“I can’t tell,” Rey shrugged, “we’ll have to wait. It’s not like Ben’s not already obsessed with him.”

“But why?”

“I think it has to do with Ben seeing them as equals. Also Hux is sort of scary, Ben finds that hot. He doesn’t see Hux as a complete idiot which is not something I could tell about the rest of us. Also I heard him call Hux’s name when he jerked off.” 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Finn stopped her, “do you think he’s going to accept Hux’s offer though?”

“It’ll take a while, I guess. Ben’s really proud and stubborn. And paranoid. He’ll think Hux is trying to lure him to his death.”

“That’s just excessive.”

“Have you seen my brother? He’s very fond of excessive.”

“I guess,” Finn replied, “anyway, how was your Sunday?”

“Not much. I helped dad cook lunch, did some homework, read a book.”

“What are you reading?”

“Sophie’s Choice,” she replied, “it’s for school but I quite like it.”

“I did a paper on it last year. How far are you?”

“Just began. Stingo’s only just met Sophie.”

“Oh, I’m looking forward to when you finish it.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met a boy who read Sophie’s choice.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who read it.”

They laughed after that. Finn was just finishing his lunch when he noticed Rey was already done. 

“Where do you put all the food you eat?” he exclaimed.

“I don’t know, don’t really care. I just love eating.”

“Do you have a second mouth hidden somewhere? How could you eat all that so quickly?”

“I’m a natural talent, I brought my powers to perfection by constant practice,” Rey grinned and stood up to return her dishes.

“Have you ever thought about competing in it? You could win some serious cash.”

“I don’t think my mother would be very happy if I became famous for it. And without glory where’s the fun in that?”

“What does your mother do exactly?” Finn asked. It only just occurred to him that Rey told him her father didn’t have a steady job - delivered a thing here, repaired a ship there. That didn’t correspond with the nice house Rey lived in. 

“Have you heard of Leia Organa?” Rey asked.

“The Senator?”  
“That’s my mum.”

“Oh.”

“Are you running away from me now? I wouldn’t even blame you at this point,” Rey sighed and there was vulnerability under her joking.

“No. Why should I?”

“I don’t know. People just do when they learn about her.” 

“I wasn’t intimidated by your brother, I think I can handle your mother.”  
“Oh no, Ben’s just a cup of good night tea compared to her,” Rey grinned, “but thanks. I appreciate it.”

…

Kylo opened his locker and dived in, ignoring the smell that embraced him. Maybe he should have taken the dirty sports clothes home but it just wasn’t that bad yet. He was about to start rummaging through his things, looking for a book, when he noticed a piece of paper sitting on top of the heap. He stared at it for a while, at the contrast of the pristine white compared with the mess of his possessions before picking it up. When he brought it closer to his face, he caught a hint of a perfume, or perhaps a cologne. He brought the paper close to his nose to expect it. The aroma was definitely coming from the paper. Kylo raised an eyebrow and unfolded the message.

_Ren,_

_if pot’s not your thing, we could go beat up someone. Or steal something. Whatever suits you. I’m here for your depraved fantasies._

_Yours sincerely, Hux_

_P.S. I heard notes are romantic. Thought I’d tell you so that you know._

_P.P.S. Your locker is a mess. How do you not die when you open it?_

Kylo blinked and read the note again. His life was crumbling and he couldn’t honestly tell how much of it was his fault. Had he done something to trigger this sort of behavior in Hux? He couldn’t remember but he must have. Why would Hux start to ask him out - quite relentlessly - after months of spitting insults at him? Kylo didn’t need any more troubles at the moment, especially not Hux-related problems, but here he was, with a message from Hux that couldn’t have been left inside his locker without Hux either stealing his key and giving it back without Kylo noticing, or picking the lock. They were both rather unsettling. 

Kylo looked around to find the ginger in the busy hall. He knew Hux was there somewhere, watching his reactions, but Kylo couldn’t spot him in the crowd. Kylo put the note in his jacket’s pocket, carefully not to lose the scent of it. He was being pathetic and he knew it - he should throw it away before Snoke finds out or before Kylo does something stupid like ask Hux to share the joint with him after all. And yet he kept it, stealing a sniff of the perfume still on his fingers. 

He found the book he had come for and hurried to his last class with his head full of intrusive thoughts that were only half unwelcome.

…

Hux couldn’t stop thinking about the note he left in Kylo’s locker and about the reaction the boy had when he saw it. He was playing out different scenarios in his head and slowly getting obsessed with his daydreams. He was particularly fond of the one when he’d find a note from Kylo in his own locker, asking him to join him after school and go murder someone. He supposed he shouldn’t be thinking of those things at school, especially of the part where they have sex to celebrate life after taking one, but he couldn’t help it. He got so caught up in it that he was disappointed when he didn’t find anything among his things when he put the books he wouldn’t need in his neat locker. 

He made his way to his car and unlocked it from afar before he noticed a dark figure leaning against its bonnet.

“Why do you think I’d like to got beat someone up with you?” Ren asked when Hux came close enough for him not to shout. “Why do you think I’m a psychopath?”

“You spend a lot of time trying to persuade people you’re edgy. I wanted to see if you mean it or if you’re just one of those kids who hide behind a cool facade but are just crybabies inside,” Hux said nonchalantly as if he couldn’t be less interested in Ren, “I guess you’re just a crybaby.”

“Don’t you dare say that!” Ren hissed and grabbed Hux’s shirt. Their faces were closer than Hux had hoped they’d ever be and Ren was staring at him intently. “You know nothing about me!”

“I’m going to assume you’re a poser until you prove me wrong,” Hux announced and Ren spun them around, pinning Hux to the car. The ginger had a fleeting thought whether he wasn’t going crazy after all, provoking someone twice his size who could be a psychopath. Hux wasn’t joking about that part - there was something dark and dangerous around Ren. He couldn’t point his finger on it but it called to him, lured him closer. 

“You have no idea who I am,” Ren hissed.

“I just gave you an opportunity to show me,” Hux pointed out. He wondered whether he should have suggested a regular dating activity first. Then he looked into Ren’s furious eyes and decided those wouldn’t be very helpful.

“I can’t be with you. You’re a hindrance,” Ren said and let go of Hux, fleeing as unexpectedly as he had attacked. 

Hux opened the door of his car and sat down, staring at the steering wheel in front of him. There were no people in the parking lot to be seen which was odd, considering the time. _He said I’m a hindrance. Not that he hated me or that he wasn’t interested_. Hux put the keys into the ignition and turned them, waiting for the hum of the engine. He released the handbrake and the car moved a little because it was standing on a hill, and waited for Hux to do something. He stared a little more and then stomped on the accelerator with way too much force. The car jumped forward and very nearly missed an old Chevrolet. 

_I can’t be with you._

Hux couldn’t get the words out of his head. You don’t reject someone saying this if you’re simply not interested. Hux didn’t have that much experience to go by but he was quite sure of that. You say: “You’re an idiot, Hux, and I hate your freckly face.” Or you laugh. Or you don’t say anything at all and hope the other person will take the hint. 

_You’re a hindrance._

To what? If Ren was on the baseball team or studying to get a scholarship or something, Hux would have understood. From the day he had just had he could tell being in a relationship - or wanting to be in one as well - took time and focus. But Ren wasn’t trying to become successful. Ren was just a kid who went to school because he had to, got good marks to irritate everyone and locked himself in his room for a hobby. Hux couldn’t possibly be a burden to anything important. Unless Ren was up to something. Hux remembered the moment of weakness when Ren appeared to be in pain before composing himself again. 

_You have no idea who I am._

Hux didn’t and he was going to find out. It wasn’t about the Dameron boy’s money anymore. Hux would figure out what Ren was doing and why he rejected Hux in such a peculiar way because honestly, what else could he do? His pride was wounded and Ren wasn’t nearly as attractive as he would have to be for Hux to allow that. 

…

Kylo didn’t have a session with Snoke that day and he collapsed onto his bed the instant he came home. He lay on his stomach, his face buried in a pillow. His back was getting progressively more painful as the day passed and he was afraid to check it in a mirror. There hadn’t been a lot of blood - only one of the blows opened a wound and it wasn’t deep or big. It burned a lot anyway, especially when Kylo had pulled his shirt and hoodie over it without covering it. The bruising was a lot worse. Kylo was not particularly prone to bruises but his punishment left him with half of his back an ugly shade of reddish purple in the evening which turned into more violet in the morning when Kylo dressed himself for school. Kylo supposed they were mostly blue at the moment.

He was exhausted. The worst thing about Snoke’s beatings wasn’t the hit itself even if those were quite painful themselves, the worst was the pain that just wouldn’t stop, only relent if he lay on his stomach and took shallow breaths that didn’t extend his ribcage too much. He supposed that was the purpose Snoke aimed for, to remind him of his misconduct and the consequences of it every minute of several upcoming days. Kylo recalled simpler times when he could avoid beatings by not transgressing the rules again. He couldn’t control his dreams, could he? Nobody can do that. 

_I could help you with the insomnia._

It felt like a slap in the face and mockery at the same time. Hux, the reason Kylo didn’t get enough rest, was offering to help him sleep. He found it hard to believe that Hux wasn’t mocking him. Yes, there was no way he could have known about Kylo’s troubles but honestly, why was Hux the one pointing out his apparent sleep-depravity? It felt like too many coincidences at once. Kylo didn’t quite appreciate the irony.

Kylo remembered all the studying he had to do and groaned in frustration. It was the reason why Snoke let him stay at home in the first place. Kylo couldn’t quite grasp what Snoke was hoping for with him - he made him carry around drugs, guns and god knew what else since he was fourteen but he still insisted on nearly-top-of-the-class grades. Kylo supposed part of it was not to attract attention - if he was flunking, they’d call his parents to school, make him talk with a psychologist, investigate what he was doing in his free time. Not failing Kylo could understand, but anything above average seemed just superfluous. Kylo had no idea what he might do after the bliss of easy, decisions-free life at high school is over and he didn’t feel any particular desire to go to college. College sounded like a lot of effort and money for something Kylo didn’t want. Not that he truly believed his parents would be happy with him just staying at home and doing whatever he could but he had dad to prove that you don’t have to have a steady job to be happy. If only he could have a successful spouse to pay the bills for him to support this theory.

_Hux could be my successful rich husband_ , Kylo thought and closed his eyes for a while to indulge in the fantasy for a moment. He wouldn’t want Hux to be away as much as his mother was, and he didn’t think he’d want to have kids. Perhaps he could use his skills to be Hux’s bodyguard, there was something romantic in the idea. Like in the movie with Kevin Costner and Whitney Houston, minus all the angst. He wouldn’t mind moving all the time then, he supposed. 

Of course, that would be in an ideal world. A world without Snoke and his inexplicable obsession with Kylo’s virginity. _Maybe it’s not about the sex_ , Kylo reflected, _maybe it’s just about Hux. Or about the possibility that I might somehow choose him over Snoke_. He thought about the possibility of Snoke not having anything against Kylo having sex as long as there was no risk of him getting attached to his partner. There was no real explanation for him to live in chastity; he delivered drugs and tortured people who didn’t pay for them, he wasn’t trying to join a monastery. Then he realized how pointless this train of thought was - he felt repulsed at the idea of betraying Hux this way. It was madness - there was nothing binding Kylo to keep fidelity to him - but he couldn’t help it. He was deeper in this hellhole that was his crush on Hux than he had expected and certainly deeper than he should have been.

And now Hux had asked him out. If there was one thing Kylo lacked, it was self-control. He was strong, smart and he took what he wanted. Hux was giving himself up, was offering his sweet, fragile body to Kylo. Part of the reason why Kylo enveloped his sexual fantasies around Hux was a supposition that Hux would never return the sentiment. It was part of the excitement, the pain and longing and frustration of an unrequited desire. Kylo had assumed if by any miracle Hux did want him too, it would lose his charm. That it would be like with everything Kylo had always wanted - the toy car that seemed like a dream come true when he was a child and then got abandoned two days after he’d got it at Christmas, the gun Kylo was impatient to be entrusted with at his fifteenth birthday only to be kept in a safe place because he preferred his hands and knives after all. 

Except it wasn’t with Hux. The dreams had been frequent and mostly pleasant, except for when Snoke found out about them and beat him up because of them. Watching Hux jump on his seat whenever the teacher said something Hux didn’t agree with, bickering with him just for the sake of it, stealing glances in the cloakroom when they were changing for Sports class were parts of Kylo’s day and he almost didn’t pay any attention to them; they are just there, at the corner of his mind. It was as normal as brushing his teeth. But now, it just wasn’t enough. If the rules had applied, he would have lost interest by the time Hux offered to teach him to smoke weed and felt embarrassed about his previous attraction to the ginger upon finding Hux’s note. The rules didn’t apply; Kylo was lying in his bed and imagining his future with Hux, unable to stop, unable to get enough.

He reached into his pocket and took out the note. He breathed in the smell of it and could now pinpoint it to a Politics class, to several occasions when he bumped into Hux in the corridor, to the encounter by Hux’s car earlier that day. In the sanctity of his room, undisturbed by the people around or the mess of his locker, he closed his eyes and let himself get lost in the fragrance until his olfactory cells got tired and fed up with it and refused to send the sensation to his brain any longer. He didn’t need to read the words on the paper but he did so anyway. He smiled at the first post scriptum and rolled his eyes at the second. He folded the paper neatly along the lines Hux’s hand set and hid it under his pillow. 

…

Finn agreed to work on their homework at Poe’s house, after his new friend insisted vehemently on it. He couldn’t quite understand why it mattered so much, but since it did, he wasn’t going to be a bad friend just because visiting someone else’s house created an uncomfortable precedent that dictated he should invite Poe to his home as well. Finn didn’t know if he was ready to do that.

“Besides, we won’t have much time to spend together when you and Rey go out,” Poe pointed out. Finn didn’t respond to that because he didn’t know how, and Poe burst out laughing.

It was less tedious to work with a friend by his side even if he didn’t work as fast as he’d like. Poe kept telling jokes and showing him silly pictures and animal videos on his phone. Finn wanted to be mad but he couldn’t when he saw Poe laugh at a video where someone edited their cat’s meowing to match the Game of Thrones theme song. He wished Rey was with them, he supposed she’d like the video too.

“Poe?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you have other friends? You’re great and I’m happy to be your friend but… I never see you talk to other people.”

“You know the saying “Jack of all trades, master of none”? That’s me when it comes to friends. Lots of people enjoy my jokes and ask to copy my notes but nobody really calls after school is over.”

“That’s stupid,” Finn frowned.

“Well it’s my life,” Poe said defensively.

“No, I mean, you deserve better.”

“I have you now. That’s a lot better.” 

“Thanks.”  
“Okay, enough sentiment, let’s play some video games.”

“I’m not done with my homework,” Finn protested when Poe stood up and went to the kitchen to prepare some snack.

“We’re taking a break. You can’t work efficiently when you don’t take breaks.”  
“We haven’t been doing much else since we came here.”

“What can I say, you insisted on doing homework. Come on, we’ll just play the silly ones now. I’m saving the good ones for when we’re done.”

The played a few rounds of a game Finn had never heard of before. It wasn't particularly astonishing, he didn’t play any game but the one Google Chrome offers when you can’t connect to the internet. Poe kept shaking his head in disbelief at Finn’s lack of experience and skill and he eventually switched to the setting where they were allies against the computer rather than competitors because at least that way the game would take longer than two minutes to finish. 

“Hi, Poe, I’m home,” a female voice came from the hallway.

“Hey, mum,” Poe replied, “I have a friend over.”

“Have you offered him something to drink and eat?” A short, curvy woman appeared in the doorframe. Finn could definitely see some of Poe’s features in her face. 

“Good afternoon,” Finn greeted politely. Poe paused the game.

“Yes, I’m not six anymore,” he rolled his eyes before turning to his mother.

“Hi, sweetheart,” Poe’s mum smiled at Finn, “you must be Finn.”

“Yes,” Finn nodded. He didn’t know if he was uncomfortable or flattered that she knew who he was immediately. 

“Nice to meet you,” she offered Finn her hand to shake. He stood up and did so, embarrassed because of how tiny she was compared to him. 

“She’s nice,” Finn said when she left.

“Yeah, I guess. I just wish she’d remember how old I am.”

Finn had no choice but to stay for dinner and share it with Poe’s whole family, including his little sister who chattered about her ballet lesson for ten minutes until she was politely asked to tune it down and not bother Finn. He said it was fine and kept smiling at the girl even as she poked at her food diligently. He was finally allowed to go home after that and Poe walked him outside to his car.

“Sorry about them, they’re just sort of excited about you,” Poe said apologetically.

“They’re nice,” Finn countered, “Tell your mum the food was delicious.”

“Will do,” Poe smiled, “bye, Finn.”

“See you.”

Poe stood on the lawn on front of his house for a while after Finn had driven away. He was fighting an inner battle and was losing it quite spectacularly. He wished he wouldn’t fall for every boy who was nice to him but he never got what he wanted, did he? It didn’t matter that he knew Finn wouldn’t want him that way, it didn’t help that he was helping Finn to get a girlfriend. He was still falling for him and he hated it. Maybe if more people were actually paying attention to him he wouldn’t develop a crush on everyone. He sighed and walked back home, hiding in his room.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave me a comment, I want to know if this AU works. Also enjoy my little illustration of the scene from the swings.


End file.
